The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent an aggressive driver from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Sometimes I'll look down at my phone 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

I wonder if cops ever get annoyed at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

(copied from a recent email forward)