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Friday, July 25, 2014

Ms Independent? Not anymore!

I considered myself a pretty independent person before.

I had my own money.

I had my own house.

I had my own rules.

I loved my alone time.

Needed my alone time.

I would re-watch Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings or True Blood episodes all the time.

I would eat ice cream out of the container sitting on my couch.

I would make ‘single girl noodles’ (spaghetti with butter and shredded cheese melted on top)

I did have to call my parents for help with things; food when I was hung over, letting Rocky out if I was staying out late, having my dad pick up the dead baby animals in my back yard while I cried.

But for the most part I was set in my ways and ok with where I was and proud of it; I was independent.


Then I met Jerry.

At first I still needed my alone time.

I’d have a couple nights a week just for me.

As a single person, you get used to doing what you want, when you want, how you want.

I actually had to learn to compromise on this and Jerry was a good teacher.


I just find it funny that two years ago I HAD TO HAVE my alone time.

Now Jerry is gone for 3 nights and I feel like the world doesn’t make sense anymore.

Alone time is not something I crave or want anymore.

I want my time with him.

I like his hugs and his smile.

His laugh and his kisses.

The way he interacts with his daughter.

I like that he checks to make sure I am getting out of bed in the morning.

I like that he will iron my pants if I need him too.

I like when we are together talking about random things.

I like when he’s 3 blocks over during the work day and if I need a hug or just to see him I can call him to meet me.

I do not like when he’s away.

I do not like when he is out of reach.

This week was the first time we’d been apart for more than a night since the beginning of our relationship.

He is the reason my life makes sense now.

He is the reason I view every day with a new happiness.

He is the reason I am proud to say I am no longer independent.

I need him.

I want him.

I like having someone love me and care for me.
And he does a great job at both.

Saturday, July 12, 2014


A little over a week ago, we had to put my parents dog, Scout down.
Scout was a Yorkshire Terrier that I picked out for Sam when she was about 16.
Scout was a surprise for Sam.
The puppy was supposed to help Sam.
Sam was 16ish, and really kinda lost, as most teenagers are.
She just seemed to be unsure of everything.
So my parents and I went and picked out a little puppy.
She was so tiny.
We were hoping Sam would want to name her Scout, after Sam's favorite character from To Kill A Mockingbird, Jean Louise Finch, aka, Scout.
Sam liked that name... and it stuck.

Scout liked to sleep with Sam at night.
She liked Flaming Hot Cheetos, until a trip to the vet informed us they probably weren't best for 5 pound dogs.
She liked to chase chipmunks.
Squirrels would tease her.
She'd take adventures outside the gate when it was left open.
Thank goodness we had nice neighbors in our area that would bring her home.
She liked to chase after the 4 square ball when we would play.
She liked to nuzzle up to you, right under your neck.
She would run away from you, tail wagging, if you tried to pick her up.
Or she'd back up to you, which meant she wanted you to pick her up.

She loved everyone and would lay with anyone.
But when Sam would come home... her little tail would wag the most.

Sam went to college, Scout was pretty much my parents dog.
My dad would act tough, "ahhh, hi spot!" then when he thought no one was looking, would bend down, pick her up and let her cuddle up to him.

Scout had been diagnosed with Kidney failure about a year ago, and she held on. She had good days where she acted like a puppy and then some bad days here and there. She was holding on for us, I'm sure.

In the last week my mom said Scout wasn't eating, my mom did everything she could to try to make Scout's last days comfortable.

I got off work early and went to my parents. Picked up Scout, who was so skinny, expecting her to nuzzle under my neck, but she didn't.
And it might sound crazy, but in that very moment, I knew she was ready to go.

I held her and cried on her and told her I was sorry.
I then went with my parents and Sam to send her to heaven.
The vet was very understanding, they made us and Scout comfortable.

Sam held her as she took her last few breaths.
That was hard for all of us.
It was hard to see my Sam cry.
It was hard to see both my parents try to act strong.
It was hard to have them comfort me, when I knew they were feeling the same things I was.

Putting a pet down is a very difficult thing.
Anyone who has been threw that knows.

Scout was a family member.
She was a constant for 14 years.
She was at all holiday events, birthday parties and Packer parties.

I will miss her bark when she is in the back yard. I will miss her nuzzles under my neck and I will never forget the joy and happiness she brought to my little sisters life, when she needed it the most.

“People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life – like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?”

"Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”