Wednesday, December 14, 2011


I don’t remember the last time I was mean to someone. Sometimes my mom thinks I’m mean because of the way I respond to a question, but really that’s just the teenager in me – can’t let mom think she really knows EVERYTHING – even though the adult in me knows that she actually does know EVERYTHING.

There are people that are outwardly rude on a daily basis, not caring who’s listening, who’s feeling they are hurting or if people like them or dislike them.

There are people that are mean gossips. I TRY to stray from this, but there are some people that really need to be talked about behind their backs. I do not go over board and I do not make things up for the gossip chain, I might simply complain about what someone did, to people other than that person. (Get that?)

My little sister can bite my head off  and just be plain mean for no apparent reason sometimes. As much as I love her, I wish I was tougher than her, cause there are many moments I recall where she really needed a good bitch slap.

My older sister or “The Perfect One”, can get slightly irritated with people (mom) or situations (Sam) and I can tell just by the way that she speaks “Best leave her alone”.  I don’t remember the last time she was ‘mean’ to me… but in the past her brutal honesty about me, to my face, has left me heated. Yeah… she could have used a bitch slap a time or two, also.

Then again, I’m sure I deserve a couple baker’s dozen’s bitch slaps too.

BUT – I don’t recall when I was mean to someone. I don’t even like feeling ‘mean’. That anger or bitterness or just plain pettiness that takes over all rational thought. I don’t like leaving mean or negative comments on FB or other places, because as much as it may seem that I don’t care what others think about me, I really do care. And I don’t want people to dislike me and I really don’t want to HURT anyone else’s feelings. On the moments that I don’t filter what I say to an extent, I sit there wondering if my comment upset someone, and if so, are they talking about me behind my back right now, AND if so, can they just say it to my face so I can at least defend or explain myself?

In high school all those many moons ago, I got wrapped up in gossip and talked/made up half truths about this girl behind her back… I don’t even remember her name. At one point I realized what I was doing was out of jealousy and stupidity and I actually pulled her aside and apologized. She looked at me like I was crazy. I’m sure I was talked about A LOT in high school for many different reasons, but I had no right to gossip and spread rumors about another girl, just cause it was happening to me.

I learned in the last year, that you really have NO idea what other people are going through at any given time. That maybe that person in a really bad mood, just found out some bad news. That them not holding open the door for me when I have full hands/arms, is not because they want to be MEAN, it’s because they are simply too wrapped up in their own world. Which they have every right to be… but I just don’t think I’m that way, and if I am, it’s not very often.

Maybe I’m completely blind to the fact that I am that way… and if so, I hope my ‘peeps’ reading this will let me know.

Mean. Mean…. Why you gotta be so mean?


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