More stuff....

Since I don't have much time to blog and I still refuse to pay ridiculous prices for home Internet, I am at work early to get a post in.
As I've posted on FB, 'I don't know', seems to be the only thing I do know these days.

1. I can't decide at the end of August if I should sell my house or not. If I don't, should I refinance? Do I want to go back to apartment living, even if it is down town? Do I want to move? I have someone that was interested in buying my house, to use as a rental. Not sure if he still is thinking that, so we'll see. I suppose if it's going to be that easy to sell, I should just do it.... I guess I have a few months to decide - well unless I decide to refinance I should do that soon... or should I? See... I can't decide.

2. I don't know how often one should think about someone they have lost. It's been almost a year and a half since Brendan died and I think about him all. the. time. Sometimes it makes me very sad and I can sit at work and cry at my desk. Other times, I smile and laugh out loud thinking about things he said or did. I keep waiting for a day when I think "wow, I haven't thought about Brendan in a couple days"... right now though, its more like "wow, I'm thinking about Brendan again"....

3. I never mourned the loss of my Grandma and she died almost a year ago. I think it's because I was still in my 'coma' from losing Brendan. My Grandma and I weren't close, but the woman was awesome. From what my mom says, I'm a lot like her. Even though I know she was not perfect, she was strong and beautiful and the life of the party - so I'll take it. I'm thinking this summer at our family reunion, it might hit me in a way I haven't yet faced...

4. I started working out at Goals In Motion again on MWF mornings and Anytime Fitness when I can squeeze it in (I try for 2 more days there). It feels good to move, I don't know why I ever stop. I've already noticed my body tightening up and it's only been 2 1/2 weeks. I'm also trying to be a healthier eater - which I do OK at during the week and struggle a bit on the weekends, but I have cut down on portions a lot. Only one small plate at HuHot, where normally I'd get about 2 plates full.... slowly but surly.

5. I'm not perfect. I'm not always the perfect friend. I don't always say the perfect thing or do the perfect thing. But I never try to purposely hurt someone. I never try to go out of my way to make someone feel bad for something they said or did to me. I try to listen to everything my friends say and try to relate, even when I don't. I want to be that good person... and I try everyday. I hope people that somehow I've let down, hurt or brushed off realize that I never set out to hurt them. "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."

6. Colorado in 2 weeks. I might not come back. In fact, if you re-read number 1, if I didn't have the house, I'm 75% sure that I would already be living in CO. I can't wait to be swept away by the beauty of Denver and the sense of freedom that I feel when I am there. I only have good memories in CO... maybe that is why I want to be there so badly.

7. Going from a small company to a big company has been an adjustment. Everything - and I mean EVERYTHING works differently. It's taking some getting use to, but I'm slowly getting there. Going from malpractice insurance to mortgages is quite different also... I've always liked to learn new things, and this has been a challenge. But I will succeed and do so in my awesome way.

8. I like peanut butter. I buy the smallest container of Jif I can find so that I can open them more often. There is nothing like a freshly opened container of PB. See, it's finding the joy in the small things.... well, in most cases. :-)