2 Years Ago Today

Brendan~

These are my favorite memories of you…

When we were roommates a child hood friend of mine died. I came home from the funeral and you were sitting downstairs smoking a cigarette on the folded up futon. I came and sat next to you, the tv was on, but I don’t remember what it was showing.

I don’t think we talked, but I remember I leaned my head on your shoulder and started crying, you put your arm around me and held me while I cried.

I met you and your cousin out at Irena’s after I had been at a fundraiser that I had dressed up for. A pretty pink and black dress, I love that dress… Later in the night you text me and said “You look amazing”. I kept that text in my phone for weeks. It was rare to get compliments like that from you, so I held on to it for quite awhile.

The night in southern Iowa when you told a local that another girl and I were hookers from Des Moines. That you and your friend hired us to hang out with you for the night…. He believed every word you said and even tried to ‘flirt’ with me and the other girl in very inappropriate ways. You thought it was hilarious….

The greatest day ever as we called it (You, me and Nicole), I was hung over, we were going to pick grapes at Two Saints Winery. I almost passed out and you grabbed me a Gatorade and told me to go lie down. One of the few times I actually saw worry on your face when it came to me. We continued the day by stopping at little dive bars all the way home. There was never a dull moment when you were involved.

When you would get home from the bars and I would be asleep in bed, you’d make so much noise. Rocky would bark until I let him out of the bedroom. He’d rush to the kitchen where you would feed him about 20 saltine crackers as you waited for the toaster oven to heat your pepperoni pizza rolls. I would get out of bed and come to the kitchen to hear the stories of the night. If I didn’t get out of bed, you’d come to my bed, lay down next to me and tell me all that happened. What memories you had made that night…

When we were dating YEARS ago, we went camping at Lake Rathbun and took your friends pontoon to party cove. You were afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle the ‘roughing it’ that came with Southern Iowa, and you informed me later on that you were very surprised I didn’t freak out. I was in the water with a noodle, holding my beer and swimming around. At one point the noodle got away from me (I didn’t drop my beer though) and you dove in the water to help me, losing your favorite truck stop sun glasses in the water in the process.

Four Wheeling from Lazy Dayz to Georgetown in Southern Iowa. We stopped at one point along the side of a level B road to enjoy a refreshment and look out on the green rolling hills of the area. We made up a story about what I would do if a hot Native American man named Tonto came out of the woods. I remember us sitting in the sun, it was quiet except our voices and laughter and feeling completely content.

One of the first dates we went on was to Prairie Meadows to watch the horse races, you jokingly told the guy checking ID’s that you had an awesome fake – he looked at it closer. You laughed your awesome laugh. I remember you had that darn red hat on and spiked hair.

Giving you haircuts in your garage.

ATF meetings that I would crash from time to time…

Killian.

The Yota.

Text messages once you started using text “I miss you” “Miss you too”;  “Love you” “Love you too”; “Beer” “Kelleys 5:30”

You didn’t come to my 30^th birthday party. Days later my mom asked me if there was anyone that I wish would have been there that didn’t come. I said “Brendan”…. a few days later I was in Kansas City with my friend Dan and Michelle called, I missed it but said to Dan “Something must be wrong, she doesn’t just normally call me.” I called her back… “Holly are you ok?” “yeah why?”… “Holly…. Brendan died.” And with that, my world, my life, was changed forever and I went in to a coma. I don’t really recall the next 6-7 months. I spent my life savings at the bar 5-6 night a week during that time.

I went on vacation to South America 7 months after you died and something happened while I was there to make me realize that there was a whole world I was missing out on, that the pain I felt in losing you, shouldn’t keep me from living. I came back refreshed and awake. The day to day got easier… but I still miss you and think of you all the time. You will always hold a piece of my heart and I will always be thankful for the time we had together, the memories we made and the great friendship we had.

You are missed. You are loved.

Forever your dork.

Holly Marie