Super Hero - Must Have Arch-Nemesis

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep I was thinking of my super powers. Still trying to decide which ones I want the most. Then… I realized in order to be a super hero, I need an arch-nemesis.

I tried to think of my opposite, someone I wouldn’t like at all if I met them and I came up with “Snookie” from Jersey Shore. Granted, I have only watched this show once and wanted to tear my ears off afterwards, but I’m pretty sure, I would not like her AT ALL if I met her.

Reasons:

· She does not dress correctly for her body type.

· She’s so short, it would hurt my neck to have to talk to her.

· She argues: loud, obnoxious, yelling arguments.

· She likes attention, negative or positive. (I prefer only positive).

· She plays the stupid girl role way to well, that in and of itself makes me want to use one of my many super hero powers on her.

She is my arch-nemesis – I will have to bring her down and fight for the good in this world!

Quotes on Grief

Anyone who reads my blog is probably tired of my 'sorrow'. Well, read some of these - grief does not disappear over night...

Time heals griefs and quarrels, for we change and are no longer the same persons.

Blaise Pascal quotes

I loathe a friend whose gratitude grows old, a friend who takes his friend's prosperity but will not voyage with him in his grief. ~ Euripides quotes

Friends show their love - in times of trouble, not in happiness

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

~From a headstone in Ireland

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. ~Jan Glidewell

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert

My grief lies all within,

And these external manners of lament,

Are merely shadows to the unseen grief

That swells with silence in the tortured soul.

William Shakespeare

One joy shatters a hundred griefs

The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief -But the pain of grief is only a shadow

When compared with the pain of never risking love.”

Every one can master a grief but he that has it. William Shakespeare

He came to me in my dream....

I was in a building; maybe a new, clean barn, where I could see all the way up through the rafters.

I was about 40 feet from a picnic table where Brendan was sitting facing out towards me. He had on his dark zip up vest with a plaid shirt underneath it, his Cubs hat and his cowboy boots. There were other people in and around the barn area but I don’t know who they were.

Diana, Brendan’s girlfriend at the time of his death, walked by and said “I want to be an architect”, this whole time I was slowly getting closer to Brendan. I looked off to the side and Diana was building a building out of Lego’s.

I was now right next to Brendan and I bent down to give him a hug, as we were in the embrace I whispered “I love you” in his ear, and he whispered “I love you, too” back.

And then I woke, with a smile on my face – until I realized it wasn’t real – and I began to sob.

Thinking of it now makes me cry. I’m not sure why exactly. I know Brendan loved me, he didn’t say it often, but when I would say it to him, he’d always say it back – even when we were ‘just friends’. He wasn’t the type who used the "l" word on a whim. He said it only when he really meant it.

I’ve wanted to long to have Brendan visit me in my dreams. To ‘feel’ him near me and this dream was exactly that. I’m glad that in my dream I felt close to him, but now it just makes me want it more.

I tried to fall back asleep, positioned myself how I was when I had dreamt of him; tried to think about what I had thought about before I had fallen asleep – anything to try to get him back in my dreams.

It didn’t work; I woke up sad, frustrated and yet happy at the same time – because I know that I was loved by Brendan.

Memory... again....

I woke one Saturday and felt so hung over. I was supposed to meet Brendan and his cousin Nicole at Brendan’s house on 51st street at 8 to go pick grapes at a winery. At 8:30 I pulled in, Brendan commented on how I was late, handed me a Baileys with coffee in it and off we went.

I kept begging Brendan to stop and get me a breakfast sandwich or something to eat – whining (which I know he loved). “You were late; it’s your own fault we can’t stop for something to eat”. He said with a menacing smile on his face.

As I looked out the back seat window, a jeep Cherokee of sorts started driving past us. The guy’s dog was in the car which is what I first noticed… and then I saw him bite in to a sandwich.

“Brendan! Look, that guy has a sandwich and he’s soooo happy!” Nicole and Brendan laughed hysterically and made fun of me forever for the happy sandwich guy.

I never got my sandwich, but Brendan looked at me half way through our grape picking adventure and said “You don’t look so good, sit down.” I had almost passed out - Brendan got me a Gatorade and told me to go lay down in his truck for a while.

This story continues and includes little hick town bars, snaggle toes and randomness - but to sum it up – it was one of the best days I’ve ever had. Even with the hangover, I would relive this day, every day if I could.

I just love this picture...

Memory

“Holly – why are only 3 toes on each of your feet painted?” Brendan asked as we were sitting in his office on 48th Street.

“Well, those are the only toes that show through my peep-toe shoes” I replied.

Brendan erupted in laughter.

“You are so lazy! You couldn't just paint the other 4 toes?” laughter continued….

He made fun of me for this for months.